A: Alcohol

A: Alcohol

Alcohol gives me infinite patience for stupidity and that’s why we decided to be friends. Sometimes alcohol is a backstabbing bitch who whispers bad ideas to your ear and makes you part of those stories you wouldn’t tell to your kids. Or dad. Or anyone. But then again, sometimes those stories are the best ones. Alcohol definitely has a bipolar disorder, and to survive from those nights when instead of making you fun, flirty and the best dancer you end up taking a your clothes off in public, kissing the ugliest motherfucker in sight or waking up from a wrong bed, it’s good to come up with some kind of alter ego to take the fall. I always blame Henniina. She’s a total idiot when she’s drunk.

To make you feel better, I’m going to tell you some things my friends did after a few too many drinks. One had sex with his best friends mother. One threw up in to a glass in a bar and drank it. One took his pants off in front of a really pretty girl and asked if she would like to have some. One asked me if he could sleep on my couch and started sleep walking in the middle of the night. He weed to our apartment buildings staircase, ringed my neighbors doorbell and took all of my paintings off the walls. And I had a lot of paintings. When he woke up with a hangover next morning, first thing he asked was “Why are all those paintings at the table?” Yeah, this actually happened.